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Comments by Ken Simmons


  “Lost” was written in the same time period as “Besides”. It’s a reflection of some of the racing thoughts that were waging war inside my mind. With hope being my only refuge, I reflected on who I once was compared to that which was in control of my life now and what I may have become, had I not been rescued by my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus.


            I really don’t understand it, but the feelings that control my actions never really ever go completely away. It’s not only the medications that make most of them bearable enough for me to live with them on a daily basis. For I could not make through a day today without my Lord being a constant refuge of retreat and safety and place of comfort I can go to at any time with anything.


            The key thing about my reflecting is the hope that something good will come from it. However, one should be warned about getting caught up in reflection, for it has taken me into a vicious circle of remembrance and has on occasion drove me into an almost never ending downward spiral of increasing depression.


            I would never recommend that someone who has an illness such as mine attempt to solve their problems on their own, for as in certain cases it has led to some very tragic results. I have had the benefit of groups and educational classes and case managers along with my Pastor and the many elders of the church to encourage me with helpful and doable coping skills. Without which, I surely couldn’t have managed to maintain any kind of control in my quest to come to the point where I was able to totally surrender to Jesus.


            I have come to realize that it is in these periods of my feeling a sense of loss, as referring to my former self and the depression over what I have done, seem to come and go. I have been shown and come to know, that it is during these periods that it is my enemy satan who wants me to fail and he will stop at nothing to get me back into his control. I am at my most vulnerable at these times and the one thing that is of the most dangerous to me, is myself, if I allow the feelings to pull me into the trap of one of self-defeat.


            It is during these times where one might say, “This is where the rubber meets the road,” so to speak. We all have to face many challenges each day and it has been my faith and trust that God will not allow me to be tempted beyond my ability to handle it and even when needed will provide an avenue of escape, if I stay aware and in His presence.


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